


The Beast and the Boys

by JoyHeart



Category: Over the Garden Wall (Cartoon)
Genre: Also the beast secretly is a potty mouth in his head, Gen, crackish, so you know, the beast is having a hard day, the inner thoughts of the beast
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-03
Updated: 2015-11-03
Packaged: 2018-04-29 19:02:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5139041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoyHeart/pseuds/JoyHeart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Beast is an eldrich monster that haunts the forests of the Unknown, luring souls to their doom. It seemed like another other day, trying to send a couple of children to their deaths. What the Beast doesn't realise is that these might be the most annoyingly perceptive and creative brats he's ever met. </p><p>Or in other words, thoughts from the Beast during his last day of existence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Beast and the Boys

**Author's Note:**

> I cannot write serious things. Everything turns to crack in my hands. Failure of mine.

                When Greg left Wirt against the tree and ran into the forest, his words to the angel in his dream echoed in his mind. His wish was to be able to save Wirt from the Beast and get them home together, no matter what it took. And upon waking, he knew that he had to seek out the Beast if he was going to keep him away from Wirt.

                The Beast had been nearby, of course. It would never do to wander far when your meal is so close to its end. But when it saw Greg approach, an unseen smile quirked up its lips. The Beast had given up the younger brother as a lost cause, he was too young and sheltered to be able to fear the Unknown and so the Beast’s power was mostly lost on him. The older brother was much more susceptible, with teenage angst and anxieties to move him along the path to destruction and death.

                But now, the Beast had to admire Greg’s spirit even as its nature denied him the right to consume it. The child appeared to be blindly optimistic and foolish in his pursuits, but now he has given up salvation unless both he and his brother can be saved together. And if he lost his brother even while trying so hard to save him, Greg might just lose the innocence that protected him from the fate of the edelwood.

                The Beast brought Greg along with him to a small clearing in the woods, and as he did so he gradually allowed the temperature in the forest to lower enough that a light snow began to fall. That would pick up over time into a blizzard, which would assist in his plans. Greg was being uncharacteristically quiet, with a small, determined, and yet still childish squint to his eyes. Clearly he had found cause to focus for once.

                When at last the Beast turned to face the boy, he admired the gall that it took for so young a child to look at him in his tall, shadowed form and not betray a trace of fear. The boy did not fear him at all, and truly, he likely would not unless the Beast actively attacked him. But that was not how the Beast devoured. The Beast did not launch unwieldly and dodgable blows to one’s physical projection of form, nor did he bite with fangs. The Beast attacked the mind, the soul. Of course, in the Unknown, that made him the most dangerous of all creatures. Except to those like Greg, and perhaps on some level the child was aware of this. But if the Beast could distract Greg long enough, then his brother would succumb to the edelwood. When that happened, he could reveal the boy was too late, and then…

                “So, you’re the Beast I’ve been hearing so much about!” Greg piped up suddenly, his stoney look now accompanied by crossed arms. The Beast snorted.

                “Yes, I am. I suppose you are here to get yourself and your brother home? It will not be an easy feat.”

                “I know, but I got us into this mess, and I’ve got to be the leader and get us out!” Greg said boldly, the teapot on his head gleaming in the light of the sun. The Beast was suddenly struck by the thought the child resembled a knight in shining armour, though of course that was a ridiculous comparison. Well, perhaps if the boy had lived longer he might have grown into something a bit more heroic in appearance, if the usual trials of aging did not damage this spirit too greatly.

                The Beast hummed. “In that case, I suppose I could help send you and your brother home… if you are able to complete a simple three tasks for me. Of course, should you fail to complete them before midnight, your soul and your brother’s will belong to me.” His brother’s soul was already doomed to edelwood, but if Greg somehow avoided that fate the Beast was sure he could find some sort of use for this child. He had already proven he had the capacity to be serious if he tried at least. “Do we have a deal?”

                Greg nodded, looking so certain of himself the Beast nearly felt threatened… he had to force himself to remember this was merely the certainty of a naïve child who did not know how far over his head he truly was. The Beast was about to go on, but Greg suddenly thrust a hand into the air.

                “Ooh! Ooh! Can I ask a question first?”

                “Yes, you may ask one question.”

                “What? Why only one?”

                “Because the more time you waste here the less time you have to complete the tasks. And also, that was your question.”

                “WHAAAAAAAT?! That’s not fair! Come on, one more question! Just one!”

                The Beast sighed. “Fine, one more question.”

                “Are you a deer?”

                The Beast blinked, which was very obvious given that his eyes were the only distinctive parts of his form… except the antlers he supposed. “… no.”

                “Cause you have antlers…”

                “I’m not a deer.”

                “What about a moose? Are you a moose?”

                “No more questions!”

                “Sorry, Mr. Moose!”

                “I’M NOT A MOOSE!” The Beast’s eyes flared and he grew taller, trying to intimidate the boy. The boy, on his part, did look startled, until…

                “Wait I know, you’re a Jackalope!”

                “That…” The Beast clenched his fists, “Those aren’t even real!”

                “Yeah they are! I saw it in a picture book! So are you one?”

                “LISTEN YOU INSUFFERABLE CHILD! DO YOU WANT TO SAVE YOUR BROTHER OR NOT?!”

                “Yes!” There was some silence. Then, “Reindeer?”

                The Beast’s eye twitched. There was no ending this. “I- you- fine. Yes. I am a reindeer.”

                “DO YOU KNOW SANTA CLAUS?!”

                “NO!”

                “Oh, that’s too bad. Is it because he never brings you presents cause you’re…” Greg leaned forward and half-whispered, “A _naughty_ reindeer?”

                “That’s it!” The Beast did not want anything to do with his anymore! He took back everything about admiring his spirit or comparing him to a hero, this child was ANNOYING. “Look, your first task is to find me a spool of silver thread in the forest and bring it back. The clue I offer is- WAIT WHERE ARE YOU GOING?” But Greg was already running away. Well… if he didn’t want a clue he would be searching for a long time anyway, which only served the Beast’s end of things. Yes, he would be gone for hours, so maybe he ought to check in on the older brother to-

                “I’VE GOT IT!” Greg shouted happily. The Beast looked down in surprise to see Greg holding up a tree branch with spider silk wrapped nearly around the end.

                “That… is spider silk on a branch,” The Beast said stiffly.

                “Yeah, it’s silver spider thread, and there’s a spool lot of it!” Greg said happily. The Beast blinked owlishly for the second time.

                “… that’s not what a spool is.”

                “Oh, what’s a spool?”

                “It’s a… wooden thing you… wrap thread around.”

                “Oh, so like the stick?”

                “I… sure. Why not. Good work, Gregory.” The Beast shook his head. Not exactly what he had in mind honestly but… well, surely the child would not pass the second test. “Now you must fetch me a golden comb. Your clue to its location is- STOP! Oh for…” The Beast rubbed at his forehead, wood grating on wood as he looked at the “spool of silver thread” on the ground. He had to admit… it was a sort of clever way to work around his orders. Maybe he was regaining some admiration for this soul after all.

                Greg took a bit longer this time, over an hour had passed and the sun was actually beginning to move to the western sky before Greg returned triumphant.

                “Did you fetch for me the golden comb?”

                “Will this work?” He held up something gold… and sticky.

                The Beast growled. “That’s a honey comb.”

                “Golden comb of honey! Hee hee hee hee hee!” Greg did a tiny victory dance, and the Beast glared. He was getting tired of this. Did he really want to deal with this small boy in his realm for eternity? The death of his brother had better break his spirit because he could NOT keep dealing with this.

                A scream suddenly came from the wind, and Greg turned to look, the Beast had to bring his attention back or he’d likely go running off again and in this blizzard even the Beast might have trouble finding him again…

                “Never mind that Gregory. Now, you’ve brought me the first two items. A golden comb and a spool of silver thread.”

                “It’s just spider web on a stick.”

                The Beast clenched his fists. Really? After all that he admits it was wrong and… whatever he already accepted it and… alright, time to bring the lead out. No way was the brat getting this one.

                “I want the sun!”

                “The sun?” Even the boy looked disbelieving at that. Fuck it. He just wanted to be rid of him now. The Beast pulled a teacup from the void and tossed it into Greg’s hands.

                “Lower the sun from the sky into this china cup.”

“Uh, well that sounds impossible.”

The Beast mentally pat himself on the back for coming up with a complete fool’s errand for the last task that even the fool himself admitted was ridiculous. Still, he had to give hope, and what better way than to slap his previous words back in his face? “Nothing’s impossible if you set your mind to it, right? Now hurry! The sun will be setting soon and-“

“That’s it!”

The Beast could have choked a bitch.

“Yeah, that’s it! Dun dun dun, dun dun dun dun dun DUN!” Greg placed the cup on a nearby tree stump. “See? This sun’s going to lower itself right into this here cup!”

The Beast stared. Yes, at this angle it DID look like the sun was going to… NO! No, no, no! Wait, no, it would still be an hour until the sun set at LEAST, and if Greg stopped moving, the cold could overcome him… yes, yes!

“You have figured it out, and I thought you might give up!” The Beast congratulated the boy, feigning an impressed tone. The boy smiled back at him in glee.

“Give up? I’ll never give up! Just got to wait, just got to wait.”

Perfect, he was kneeling next to the stump now.

“Yes, just sit there in the cold and wait.” The Beast smiled a secret smile again. He watched the boy grow colder as the sky grew darker and the sun lowered toward the cup. He made the blizzard worsen. Surely his brother must be an edelwood by now, so even if the sun finished lowering before the boy on the ground froze solid he could quickly break the boy's spirit and then possess two new trees to fuel his lantern.

Unless… Greg didn’t become an edelwood tree of course.

And then… he would be stuck with the brat for eternity. And honestly, the boy DID say he’d never give up. What if he became convinced he could get his brother back if he kept pestering the Beast? Oh god, he might NEVER be rid of him and…

The sun finished setting while the Beast still was in thought, and he suddenly heard a loud clearing of the throat as Greg looked up at him expectantly.

“The sun lowered into the cup! Hee hee hee!”

“… oh.” The Beast said, watching the boy sway on his feet. That was… not good, actually, now that he thought of it. The boy now thought he won, and so that must invigorate his spirit more and… NO HE WAS NOT DOING THIS! No angsty teenager’s soul was worth this annoying kid chasing him for eternity! “Listen, you won. Great. So I’m going to help you with your brother. He’s already in depression, so he’s probably already turning into a tree as we speak-“

“Wait- what? Wirt’s a tree? It is a palm tree? Or a Christmas tree?”

“NO! Oh, shut up!” The Beast covered Greg’s mouth with a hand and winced as he immediately licked it, but kept it firm despite his disgust. “I have a plan. He’s turning into a tree, and I can use the woodsman to help me find him and cut him free of the roots if I get him enraged at me. You can help me with that by pretending to be turning into an edelwood yourself. You can’t actually turn into one, but I can grow some regular roots to twine around your body, and you’re already freezing and getting sick so it’ll be convincing enough. When your brother comes around, he’ll be inspired to live to protect you, and if he proves himself willing to sacrifice himself for you the angels will likely send you both back to your world as a gift, they love that self-sacrificing crap. Do you understand?” He moved his hand away.

“Can I ask another question?”

The Beast glared. “No.”

“Is Santa a nice guy in real life?”

“I AM NOT A REINDEER!”

And so it came to pass that the Beast enraged the woodsman through pretending to try and touch the lantern (which he cannot do, of course it being fire and he being wood), and then discovered Wirt was not in fact turning into a tree after all. And then the Beast realised… the woodsman had left the lantern back with Greg. Damn.

The Beast practically sprinted back the camp… only to find Wirt of all people holding the lantern and trying frantically to free his brother. He saw the woodsman try to pass him to reach the boys, and quickly knocked him out, throwing him to the ground. He was so meddlesome… honestly outlived his usefulness. And look at this mess he was in now! This brat… he had to work this to his advantage! Greg was passed out from the cold finally, at least till spring thaw when he would wake up again since the only way to die in the Unknown was death by one of the creatures or spirits that lived there not exposure. Some quiet at least till then. And Wirt… well, he didn’t know his brother was fine, maybe he could just get this idiot to carry his “brother’s soul” in the lantern till his brother woke up. The Beast could have time to pick a better lantern bearer in the meantime, could turn the woodsman into a tree… yes that would be funny. And then when the boy woke up he could ditch the kids and make them go home. And when they came back he would hit them so hard their souls will WISH they were turned into edelwood when they had the chance compared the horrors that would await them…

“Give me my lantern!”

“Your lantern?” Oh shit, oh no, this boy can’t be smart.

                At least the bird distracted him. “No way, we need that.”

                “Yeah, no way, I’m keeping this. I need to get Greg home.”

                The Beast spread his hands. “Your brother is too weak to go home. He will soon become a part of my forest.”

                “I won’t let that happen!”

                Yes, good. “Well then… perhaps we better make a deal.”

                “Deal?”

                “I can put his spirit into the lantern. As long as the flame stays lit, he will live on inside,” The Beast lied his most common lie, “Take on the task of lantern bearer, or watch your brother perish.”

                Wirt winced, staring at the lantern. The Beast knew he had won. “Come here,” he said with certainty.

                The boy sighed. “Okay.” The Beast smirked as he approached, leaning to set the lantern on the ground as so many had before him.

                But then his eyes widened. Oh god no. WHY WOULDN’T THESE TWO IDIOT BROTHERS JUST STICK WITH THE PROGRAM _COULD THE BEAST NOT CATCH A BREAK_?!

                “Wait, that’s dumb.”

                “What?”

                “That’s dumb, I’m not just going to wander around in the woods for the rest of my life.”

                Seriously? God, see, THIS is why everyone hates teenagers! Ungrateful brats, the woodsman complained but he didn’t QUESTION his lot in life!

                “I’M TRYING TO HELP YOU!”

                “You’re not trying to help me, you just have some weird obsession with keeping this lantern lit! It’s almost as though…” Bitch don’t say it. “…Your soul is in this lantern.”

                OH HELL NO! The Beast grew and warped, his eyes flaring as his voice deepened, satisfied by the look of fear now on Wirt’s face. He didn’t CARE if bodily harm wasn’t his style. He was so done with this two little assholes he was going to SLAP THE FUCK OUT OF THEIR LITTLE FACES. “ **ARE YOU READY TO SEE TRUE DARKNESS?** ”

                They stared into each others eyes… and the Beast didn’t like what he was seeing. The boy squeaked something, then cleared his throat as he opened the door to the lantern. “Are you?”

                … well fuck. Wirt leaned in, ready to blow and… the Beast panicked. He withdrew his shadows and held up a pleading hand. “Don’t! Please, don’t!”

                So much for being terrifying. He was never getting his street cred back after that. Enoch was going to laugh him out of the poker games. Maybe it would be better to die after all.

                Then Wirt handed the lantern back to the woodsman, muttering something about how it was his problem to deal with. Fuck.

                “She was never in the lantern, was she?” The woodsman said, sounding so very lost. Good. Lost souls were good. The Beast came from behind him. Maybe he could distract him long enough to grab the lantern and take it somewhere. It would hurt like a bitch but maybe… oh were those kids escaping? Plan, needed a plan…

                “Listen woodsman… listen to me… yes my soul is in the lantern, but I can bring your daughter back to you. If you sacrifice another child, you can restore her life. You’ve already destroyed countless lost souls, what’s two more? Go, now, cut them down with your axe!” It wouldn’t kill them but it would hurt them a lot and god knows the Beast could do with a laugh right now.

                The Woodsman turned and the light blinded the Beast. He flinched back as the door to the lantern opened again. “NO! STOP! You’ll never see your daughter again woodsman, are you really ready to go back to that empty house? NO! WOODSMAN!”

                But the Woodsman blew, and the Beast vanished into the dark.

                He would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for those meddling kids.


End file.
